why would you watch the one you love slip? wouldn’t you catch them? Wouldn’t you sacrifice your all to save them? wouldn’t you? once again, all these questions. I would. I am. I’m just waiting. Waiting for it to sink in. Controlled by these thoughts, your letting the negative conquer the good. I want to open my heart and let you read the walls of it. All the love, all the pain, all the confusion, all of me, written on a delicate surface. Make a badge to recognize the pleasure of sharing everything, but I’ll wait. Treated with the soul of the patient I stand my ground for love. What else can I do? words then actions, I’ll be waiting.
I’ve been holding his hand, following his every foot step. One step away from his heart at all times I take caution being around it. I glimpse his cuts under his armor from time to time. As I said he’s unspoken and time will heal all. A prayer of supplication during these negative influences, is repeating in my head now. I grip his hand in fear. Fear of loosing him, fear of not understanding him, fear of not possessing enough love. Bellowing out my thoughts I’m forcing all of his attention to me. I have to let him know, make it clear he’s my gold. He is one more valuable to my sanctuary. Constantly monitoring them I put him in the rotation now. I have to let it all sink in. Life is so costly, dear, and worth-willed. Love, so charming, captivating and sweet. My forethought coats them all.
Questions, questions, questions, there’s too many. Who’s, what’s, where’s, when’s and how’s, i can’t think properly. I don’t know where my head is half of the time. I over think everything and can never put my finger on anything. Love, its never 50/50, theres always someone who gives a bit more. Everyday my outlook on where this is all going changes. Sometimes i feel as if he’ll just wake up and wonder, and then there’s some days where I can just sense the amount of love he has for me. I bluntly say it, but it hasn’t registered. How easy is it for him to leave? Those countless mornings i’ve woken up and longed for his presence. Sometimes i think I’m the burden and maybe it would be worthier if i left. He’d find happiness, understanding, he’d find himself. All these questions, all these questions. I don’t want to hear the past tense of words I just want to know he’ll be neighbouring my body. He’s unspoken but he has no clue, theres so much to learn. it’s all timing. Hereafter time will award me with acknowledgement, so guess i wait.
I think we’ve come to an understanding of our love. There’s no boundaries its just endless growing love. Mixed with infatuation time will answer what we don’t understand. I cannot stress how much i cherish him. Blind sighted i keep pushing out my words to allow him to see what i see. He just wants to be loved. He wants someone who is willing to take their days to accept his emotions. I don’t mind, I fight for my love. Nothing comes easy, I show my side and he reveals his. It’s up to us to determine what we point out and what we ignore. I’ve trained my mind to withdraw certain actions when in his presence because I start to see the after affect on him. He’s a fragile body in a gold armour. I’m that girl who is so smitten by his allure she’ll stop at nothing to have him. My love will never die, even if we have no association for years it will always abide in me. I found such a divine character.
I’ve done it again. Said my words and created a world of hate, questions and urges. Why is this happening? Why do I have to go through this? Why does he have to go through this? no one else is effected. Negative words lead to negative actions and I’m in the crossfire of it all. From here, is improvement in the question or is this just a replay of the past. To get it all out takes the inhalation of nature. that’s my obsession lately due to this misunderstanding I’ve formed. I have so many questions to ask God and I hope he has the answers. Cause this life of questioning just leads to evil. all wrong doing and the demolition of people’s souls, love, and bonds. I choose him because with him I find happiness. Foolish decisions made, I deal with her problems. Returning with only negative feed back I distribute the good. Just stop and look. Why do some hardships happen? Why some people don’t last. I’m not in a relationship with the world im in it with him. He sees the sides of me that no one else can witness. Oh the agony of misunderstanding love. I’m a totem pole in this cross fire and everything is falling on me. The aftermath makes me the target. My patience has gotten me this far but I haven’t been answered all now.
At the end of it all I’m still here. Love is the reason. Nothing can over power the love I’ve formed for him. He’s gaining understanding of my qualities. I’ve opened up. through nature, I use it to allow me to break down my thoughts, organize them and intemperate them to apprehend his thoughts. I’m patient with him, and he’s patient with me. He’s lost all hope and only sees his fantasies. he’s giving up his desire for the diploma and seeking a fast exchange to his dreams. I’ll be beside him all the way. I’ve decided that and plan to stick to that.
I’m loving and I’m loosing. This is such a hard battle. I’m giving it my all and I’m getting no results. ACTIONS speak louder then words, but my distance interferes with that. I’d be with him right now, holding him. Listening to him. I won’t give up. I told him I wouldn’t and I don’t plan to back down. I’ll make due with this. He’ll realize it eventually. He’s pushing me, pushing really hard. Its his anger speaking for him not his mind. I give him the opportunity to vent and its all hate, arrogance, misinterpretation. I can only get so much and give my all and wait. I almost exploded though. held it in but he reminded me of the past. so revved up I inhaled herb. A few tokes to put me at ease of my frustration with him and to open up my mind to feel his words. It worked. he thinks he’s a problem, he thinks everything only gets worse. Positive doesn’t come around, he soaks in the bad to live through the day. reflecting in isolation, my presence is as useful as dust on a ledge. determined; perseverance is what I’ve implemented in my pattern to love him. I have changed my thoughts to spread the good so the bad is forgotten. He just doesn’t get it. I don’t know how else to display it. If love making is the answer I will push for the opportunity. I think he’ll be satisfied if he achieves to participate in intimacy. I just want to share it all with him. It’s so different, I think of the past and compare even though he’s not comparable. But the good use to exists and now it’s hiding. I’m trying to find it but this is the hardest break through I’ve ever encountered. I’m holding on, rather be rejected then to give up on him. He doesn’t see how much I care. How it’s effecting me just as much as he is. a toke a night will get me through it all. alone with a big voice. I’ll find my happiness too.
I cried today. Its been awhile, I usually hold myself up but I let it all come out. it seems everything is going down hill.
What I planned to achieve is crumbling in my hands. I feel stuck, but I have ambition. It always there telling me to continue. I really let my self down though, it’s becoming a pattern. maybe I’m taking on too much. My pride withdraws me from socially venting. I have to build my own stepping stone. I have get to where I want to be. it just seems like there something blocking my obstacle. Is this what I want? I’m sure of it but i know there’s something more. I guess I have to change internally to see realistic results. I just want the ride to be smooth but who am I kidding. I need to say a prayer, ask for help, understanding, knowledge , health, hope… How far will I get?
He’s got to that spot. He has my heart and my mind and he’s playing with it. I contain bitterness, a bundle of wrath,and I can feel an explosion coming. Tears, hate I’m triggered. he has triggered me. I just have to do what I do best. Hide my emotions.
I’m almost there. slowly, I found the key now I need the right door. He means every word he says, deep down in his heart. It’s that feeling again. He knows I only want him. There’s doubt but he knows I always will come back. At the end of the day it’s just me and him. I want him to know he’s special. That he matters. These words people use they actually do happen and from time to time it is felt within. We need each other but there’s something else there. I have to dig. These felines have given me work. When I finally accomplish all the steps to my destination then I will be happy. I just want him to be all mine. His brain, body and heart. Mine, but mentally that’s hard for him.
It’s so hard to convince myself his love is as deep as mine. He says it is but his actions speak a different rhythm. He’s been around for so long so I take his word. Will he leave? Will he keep the silence and wander? I cant put the puzzle together not even the border. It’s so frustrating but I want this. I’m staying committed to this. No one understands why but I do it with faith behind every word. In Presence he makes me his queen, distance he treats me like a hobby. He’s good at this game already it’s just his test. His experiment in women if I can hold my plate. Trust issues is always his first thought. He’s said it’s there but his thoughts over power my words. He’s making the moves, that’s what I’ve allowed.
How can I get him to understand? Will he ever see how much I love him? Does he think I’m going to leave? I’ve convinced myself that this is how it feels. I’ve put myself in someone else shoes to realize the heartache of love. There’s always someone who cares a little more and goes that extra distance to prove it. I want to share everything with him. No secrets, No lies, nothing. He should know of it’s not him it’s no one else. He shouldn’t have any doubts, but open his mouth and share his thoughts. I love being around him. I feel valued. To know someone can take me for who I am and see my beauty, my one of a kind traits makes me want him more. I wouldn’t want to change him for the world. He is all I want I’m just not sure on his intentions… Second guessing every scenario in my head I give the benefit over the doubt cause I want everything to work out. I paint a picture to distract me from the negative reality that’s racing right beside me. I just want him. Everything about him I value he needs someone. Maybe im just temporary but I rather get hurt by him then I hurt him.
I just want to tell him I love him. I don’t think Im that important anymore. I’ve lost the fight, his thoughts won. Now I’m just hoping for the best, just waiting to hear everything out of his mouth. Its weird and I don’t know why. Why is it so hard? For me to talk, touch, hear, what is it? I made him mine and subliminally he said no. Paranoid but repeatedly telling myself to be strong. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, and I’m trying to be what he wants. I’m what he needs but it hurts him. Everything is questionable and I’m not getting answers. Tomorrow we’ll see…
I just want him. All of him. Im offering myself to him and he’s second guessing himself. I make it clear I’m his and only his but his thoughts are overwritting his reality. I can only say it so much. What can i do to make him see? Hes stuck in his thoughts. Its destroying him a little more everyday and all i can do is watch. He pushes me away and has no clue but with all the love i possess for him ill sit right where he left me and wait for him. He has no clue theres someone that is willing to wait around for him not matter how long and how damaged he is they will work to keep him happy. That person is me and for some reason hes dodging the obvious picture. Are we forcing this? I wont give up. I refuse to, not with all this work i’ve put in. Something so great will just be thrown in the garbage? He is who has my heart right now and Im going to do everything to let him know Im not going anywhere. Id rather have him leave me then me leave him. i could never hurt him like that. Im stronger than him mentally to deal with a pain like that.
i just want him to understand.
He’s such a blessing. Some days I want to just up and leave, barrier myself from being hurt. But then I say it’s all worth it for him. His love is what makes me stay. He doesn’t have to say anything, I just know. He has plans for me. He wishes to make me his girl and I questioning every inch of it. I can only wish, I can only imagine what good will over come the bad. How long we’ll last, who will come in the picture. I worry about loosing him before I even fully have him. I cherish him very much. I adore him. His presence makes me feel like all I need is him and happiness will find me, find us. Together we can be one and share things we never shared with other people in a different way that means more than anything. I just want him.
awaken from my escape, I’m here fighting these thoughts. I’ve tried to overcome all the alleged things I’ve been thinking and discussing within. I’ve seen the light but I don’t want to let go. I shouldn’t settle but I can’t look anymore. Someone must fill his blank gap and ive been chosen. Do I contain stubbornness and the negative need for perfection. My understand of my brain will never be know, I confuse myself. Him, or an ideal him is my need. God has plans for me and also him I just don’t want the hurt to follow either of us on out way out of this.
I wonder what he stops and thinks about. If im in this daily thoughts and what he thinks about me. What does he like about me? and what does he hate about me? If he thinks theres a future for us or if he’s just doing me a favour and sticking around. I hope he has a idea that I care about him dearly. I wouldn’t hurt him cause I know he wouldn’t hurt me. I have a lot of questions and fill in the blanks but Im afraid to ask them or just waiting for the right time. What if the right time never comes? Hopefully I gain a huge amount trusts so I can answer them for myself. I havent even got a real kiss yet, I don’t want to invade his space. I know he’s waiting for me but Im waiting for him. Im just used to the go ahead phrase or the first move action. I guess this one is here to show me what I am capable of if I just use my imagination and build courage to do what I want. He’d never say no to me, he treats me like his queen. I cherish him so much. Just holding his hand I remember why he needs love and why I need his. Hearing his words makes me know he’s built a lot of love to announce the spot in his heart i’ve occupied. He always kisses me on the forehead and I think the sweetest things. I see my life being very relaxed, loving and meaningful with him, But Im afraid. That the bad will come in the way and mess everything up. Will take away something that was so good to me. I don’t want our first argument I don’t want to loose his trust or love I just want it to flow strong, never-ending. I want him. Im willing to watch him grow. Teach him things. Help him conquer his fears. I want to know he is mine, mine so I can end my search. Is this hurt in my chest love? or fear? Can we be one another’s?
I want to call him mine. He’d be honored for the title. Simple is me and a mystery shadows him. I hold back emotions waiting for the right time. Thought after thought, double thinking ideas. What if questions and maybes… I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m shielding myself from it also He’s a work of beauty. In my eyes i accept his flaws cause his love for me shines over it. Gut feeling says love him, my brain says get out while there’s a chance. Love or infatuation?
I do love him with all my heart. I care for him deeply.
But we see on two different intellects. I guess I find myself pushing for something I want and willing to take the time to see results but then i always get a wake up call on what it is I am doing. What should be done? Will he change? I ask myself is it worth it?
Hoping is all i can do. I don’t see the future.
Why do we humans put ourselves such through heartache for love? Is it because maybe it can be found anywhere, with anything? One person always out shines someone else with one quality but then they share a similar negative quality that over shines everything. Questions, questions, questions…Always unsatisfied and seeking the answer for comfort.
I say often “what you don’t know can’t hurt you”, But sometimes the curiosity alone can kill you. I drown myself everyday in my deep gruesome ideas, over analyzing everything and second guessing myself. questions, questions, questions. I have so many and not enough answers.
I the Pen on Paper Dreams
let your mind grow free,
allow your thoughts to slip away
and just write.
Write what you feel, write what you know,
write what does or doesn’t make sense…
but just write.
Let the pen glide along the smooth sheets
of paper dreams that rest before you
and liberate yourself of thoughts that
you keep holding on to…
Don’t over think,
Don’t over work it,
just let yourself go completely…
You might be surprised by what you find in the end.
That’s a good question
What makes a woman sexy she asks? Well a woman’s sexiness is not a precise formula, but is rather a complex concoction of charm, charisma, confidence conversation, composure, cleverness, and of course personality. Sexiness is a woman’s ability to continually inspire the sexual curiosity of a man, through her heart and attitude. That’s what makes a woman sexy, the way she exists in the world. The defining features of a sexy woman is that she manages to gravitate a man’s heart continuously and spontaneously in her direction, even when she is absent. She will be the one girl we’ll want in our life, she won’t become a fleeting memory.
A sexy woman is not necessarily exceptionally beautiful or hot. There is a subtle difference between a sexy woman and a beautiful one you know? Some women are beautiful to other by their bodies, but some will lack a personality that can get a man’s interests. Looks has nothing to do with it, being sexy is a lot more deeper than what people think it is. Sexy woman are comfortable in their skin, true sexiness is being able to challenge a man to recognize the woman’s sophistication instead of her features.A sexy woman does not flaunt herself, she rather unravels herself, catching the man’s heart until he cannot help but always look at her. You can have a heart to heart conversation with a woman and that can be sexy, it’s simple things.
A sexy woman is intellectually beautiful. She cleverly fathoms ideas, and constantly surprises. She takes risks in romance and reads between the lines. She is open minded. She makes and responds to new suggestions, always initiating a carefree, gentle tease. A sexy woman is respectable. She is intelligent and elegant, tasteful and graceful. A sexy woman truly makes a man weak. The things that make a woman sexy are those very same things that make you fall in love with her. It’s in how her mind works, more so than how her body looks, more in how she carries herself in this world and not on how she tries to be.
Another perfect day
they keep piling up.
I got happiness that I can maintain
some beginner’s luck.
Do you ever get that feeling where you just don`t want to talk to anyone?
You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy, but at the same time, you don’t know exactly what is wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting, and being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take, ‘I don’t know,’ as an answer. You feel the way you do just because, you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.
Question?
Who are we?
When will we discover who we really should be?
We are born with no name, no talents, no knowledge, but somehow we make it our task to become something that we don’t even know if we should be. We are born in the right and the wrong. We are born stupid or smart. From hearing words from other mouths we sculpt our identities. People tell us were beautiful or smart, people tell us were ugly or stupid. We live our lives using these compliments or insults that lead us in the path of our life. So I ask myself when is that time in life when we find out who we really should be?
Love Song
I wanna apologize for all the times I made u cry. All the pain I put you through. All the promises I made and broke. All of the bad times I made happen. I’m sorry I left. And pushed u away. Your feelings are not the same as mine that’s why what I did never hit me the way they did for u. Words weren’t enough to make me know just why I was giving up a really good guy that loved me. And here I am the stoopid girl who just wasn’t thinking about anyone but herself. That’s just how I am. I’m myself. Always thinking about me, I guess. Never taking people in before I think of myself. Truth is it hurt me so fucking bad to let you go but I had to. I wish the love lasted and it wasnt anything to do with how u were with me or what u did. It was ALL ME! I looked at u different, I wanted more, I wanted out and I made it like a task to try to stick in there but I was slowly slipping away everyday. I cried about it, that I’d do it for u. But I only could take so much. I’m lonely too but I think it’s best for me to be like that to figure out who I am, what I want and what I need. Not what comes to view or I hear about. I need time. Time to realize I was wrong or time to realize I need space. I know it’s all about me and im sorry I cant satisfy both of us so your not able to have me at all. I’m soo sorry I really am for all the nights u cried it’s kills me inside it ripps me up to know such a good person had to be hurt. But I didn’t say I was gone forever, I think ill be back please just give me some time. I need you to be the stronger one not me. I need u to get all your priorities planned before u can come to me. I need u to be able to wake up and not worry what I’m doing. Just be strong and not think ur in the world alone. I know ur feelings and I’m still here but I need the space, breathing time, thinking time. I care about you so much.
I never want to fall in love again. I never want to care about someone so much I forget about myself. I never want to feel the pain of love. Happiness is my pursuit.
Spirit Words
I noticed you. I noticed u alot. I sensed something was wrong, but what can I do. I know I’m a stranger to you but I must say I am smitted by you. There are many more of my kind so it’s going to come off as a everyday compliment for you. Love, lust or infatuation, your words, image, and free spirit over power my attention.
Weird right?
You said: they say love holds the power to fulfill you , heal u, kill u, hurt and abuse u , take away from what you use to.
Love is not breathless, it is not the broadcast of promises of affection, distress or agony. Music, it is love in search of a word. It is the speech of the ANGELS. It is the medicine of a broken heart.
Music expresses that which cannot be said but on which is impossible to be silent.
realization came to me, then we all woke up.
